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You Might Be A Redneck If:
- None of your shirts cover your stomach.
- You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
- You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
- You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
- Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
- You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
- You own a homemade fur coat.
- The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
- You think the stock market has a fence around it.
- You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
- You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
- You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
- Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
- Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
- You think genitalia is an Italian airline.
- You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
- You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
- Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
- You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
- The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
- Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
- The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
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Redneck Computer Terms
BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE
- Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step
in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL
- The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER -
Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC
- Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK
- Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE -
Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the
pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI
- What you call your week-old underwear
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